Perfect for adding a little padding between you and that horrible mattress of yours.
"Oh, just come right this way, Mr O'Neill! In here is the room in which you'll be staying while you research your new book on the famous presidents. Isn't your job just so exciting!"
"Oh, that? You're just going to love that! I put you in this room because that is the very mattress on which George Washington died! Isn't it exciting! It was right there! And also, you'll be so happy, that was also the mattress where Abraham Lincoln died! Oh, and Taft, William Howard Taft also died there! As did FDR, JFK, and LBJ! In fact, forty different American Presidents have passed away on that very mattress! Aren't you excited to be here?
"Oh, no. We wouldn't clean it. That would remove the history! It's just as comfy as it was that very first night back in the 1799. Well, I say first, but it was a few decades old at that point, wasn't it?"
"Well, you probably want to take a nap, so ... I'll leave you to it! Have a good rest, Mr. O'Neill! Oh, and by the way, if you'd like to rent the 3" Mattress Topper for a small additional fee ... of course, sir. I'll send it right up. Enjoy your stay."