Calphalon. Possibly the Greek God of things not sticking.
Was Calphalon born from the head of Zeus, leaping forth because nothing could hold him in one place, as he was covered in stardust that prevented sticking?
Was Calphalon carried from the sea, sparkling nude muscles rippling as he shed his horse-legs and picked up the spear of Apollo to conquer the city of Troy?
Was Calphalon a king in exile, his power divided between pots, pans and lids to punish him for his sins against Mt. Olympus, doomed to touch nothing for all the years of his life?
Was Calphalon a minor god in charge of the number twelve, stretching out into infinity alongside his brothers and sisters across the number line?
We may never know. But we don't have to know in order to use the cookware that bears his name.