Noted government psychics warn: astral plane under attack! Shield yourself from cosmic fallout with T-Fal!
Even now, the liberal mystics of San Francisco duel with the conservative Chicago School Of Wizardry for dominance over the political and social and interdimensional landscape. What can you, a simple Woot customer, do to avoid being retrograded? Well... nothing, really. But there's a slight chance that buying these T-Fal Cookware items might just help you avoid psychic devolution.
Maybe the unique heat indicator's magical and unexplainable ability to show when the pan is preheated can block the Russet Rays Of Injustice. Maybe the non-stick exterior will deflect the Tenacious Tangerine Twisty-Beams Of Tarvalganado, which are otherwise unstoppable. Maybe the dishwasher-safe nature of the cookware will also help you survive the Dread Dishwasher Of Doormuram, the evil ram-creature who walks between! Between what? WE DARE NOT ASK!!!!
Naturally, there's a slight chance that this magic war is all completely made up and unverifiable by science but we can't sell pans using science, can we? So please, be afraid, panic buy, and enjoy these pans. They might just be the only thing between you and total cosmic dissolution... FOREVER!!!