Woot! - One Day, One Deal

Dyson DC14 All Floors Vacuum - $179.99

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:00:34 -0500

Once Upon A Vine

We’ve been asked “Home.Woot, why do you have all those Dyson DC14 All Floors Vacuums?” Well, funny story there…

It all started when Matt Rutledge woke up one morning, and found a magic bean under his bed. You might ask “How could he tell it was a magic bean?” and that’s a good question we’re not planning to answer today. What we will answer is what he did next, and that was to plant the magic bean in our back yard, behind where the sales reps park.

So that bean grew tall, becoming a giant vine that reached into the clouds. And of course no CEO is going to climb into the clouds, right? Instead, he sent two or three of the sales reps to do it for him. And they brought back a Dyson DC14 All Floors Vacuum.

Of course Matt thought that would be the end of it, but… well, our sales reps are empowered to make deals for the company that are binding. And when the sales reps saw that motorized brushbar and telescoping reach wand, they just went crazy. Like, “Forget about the talking golden harp, guys, this bagless Dyson DC14 All Floors Vacuum has a lifetime HEPA filter and a stair tool!”

So anyway, our reps apparently signed a long-term contract with the vine giant and now these flying monkeys drop off a couple crates every week. That’s right, every week. Because it turns out the Dyson DC14 All Floors Vacuum is totally made by magic.

What, did you think a human being could design a vacuum to be this good? Man, what kind of fairy tales have you been reading?

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 6 Month Dyson

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

Designed for all floor types, this Dyson upright vacuum cleaner features a motorized brushbar that can be turned on to remove dirt and pet hair from carpets, or turned off to protect rugs and delicate floors
Telescope reach wand instantly releases and expands for easy stair cleaning
On board tools include: brush tool, crevice tool and stair tool
Root Cyclone™ technology: Patented technology that doesn’t lose suction power as you vacuum
Telescope Reach™ wand: Wand and hose instantly extend 17 feet for high-reach and stair cleaning, while the vacuum remains upright and stable
Hygienic and quick to empty: No need to touch the dust – just push the button
Brush tool: Long bristles to remove cobwebs and for delicate cleaning
Stair tool: A Dyson-designed tool for removing dust and dirt from stairs and stair carpets
Crevice tool: High velocity airflow crevice tool ideal for cleaning base boards and in-between furniture
No extra costs: All Dyson upright and canister vacuums are bagless, so there are no costly bags to replace
Lifetime HEPA filter: Removes particles down to 0.1 micron and can be washed, while its post-motor electrostatic filter, which never needs replacing, traps harmful carbon emissions from the motor
Air expelled from the unit contains up to 150 times less mold and bacteria than common breathing air
Also features a 14-foot quick-draw hose, a wide channel for picking up larger pieces, auto carpet-height adjustment, a 35-foot cord, and an ergonomic design with a low handle that feels lighter to carry

Additional Photos:

Specifications:
Patented Cyclone Technology:	Root Cyclone™ Technology
Suction Power:	250 AW (constant)
Stair Cleaning:	Telescope Reach™ Wand
Bin Capacity:	0.71 Gallon
Dimensions:	44.9"(H) x 14"(W) x 13.4"(D)
Max Reach:	52.4 ft
Cord Length:	35.4 ft
Weight:	18.56 lbs

In the box:
Choose the COLOR that coordinates with your cleaning style.

Dyson DC14 All Floors (Choose the COLOR)
Brush tool
Stair tool
Crevice tool
Operating Manual
Quick Start Guide
Warranty Information

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Price: $179.99

JosephJoseph 5-pc Kitchen Tool Set

Tue, 15 May 2012 00:00:29 -0500

GUESS WHO’S COMING TO DINNER

If this kitchen set won’t impress your unwelcome party guests, nothing will.

“Remind me why we’re here again?” Sylvia turned her head so that only Pamela could hear her.

“Because I was in the elevator when they were talking about it with Margaret from 3A,” Pamela said out of the corner of her mouth. “I think they felt awkward, so they invited me. You’re here because there was no way I was doing this alone.”

Sylvia was not a fan of Lesley and Brant. The couple was pretentious and condescending, so overtly that Sylvia found it amusing.

“You didn’t tell me they were going to make us take off our shoes. You owe me,” chided Sylvia as she flicked her cigarette ashes in the nearby vase.

Pamela’s eyes widened in feigned astonishment, “And soil the perfectly white carpet?!”

“It’s ecru, Pamela,” corrected Sylvia. “Ugh, she’s so uptight. I bet before he uses the toilet, she makes him wash his a- oh, hey, Brant! Lovely party.”

Brant squinted suspiciously as he passed by and said, “Sylvia, please don’t smoke in here.”

She smiled at him pleasantly before snuffing the butt on the cheese tray. “Come on, Pamela. Let’s go see what Lady Stepford is up to.”

Lesley was in the kitchen, looking perfectly coiffed as usual. She was stirring a pot of fresh tomato sauce with a green and gray spatula that coordinated precisely with her apron.

“Looove the apron, Lesley,” Pamela complimented insincerely.

“Thank you for noticing,” said Lesley. “I got it to match my new JosephJoseph Kitchen Set. The spatula and spoon have this handy integrated tool rest. See how it elevates the head so the sauce doesn’t dirty the counter?”

“What WILL they think of next? You ready for these?” Sylvia picked up the cutting board and starting dumping the diced onions into the pot before Lesley could respond. Some of them missed the pot and fell into the burner. They didn’t catch fire, but they created enough smoke to set off the detector.

Lesley ran over and fanned it with a kitchen towel while all the guests in the other room covered their ears. “THANK YOU, Sylvia. Next time, squeeze the handle on the cutting board. The sides fold up to form a chute so that doesn’t happen.”

“Well isn’t that something. Check this out, Pamela.” Sylvia was now repeatedly squeezing the handle so the sides of the cutting board flapped up and down like the wings of a wounded bird.

Lesley walked over and snatched it out of her hand before turning to Pamela and saying, “Would you mind draining the spaghetti, please? The matching square colander is hanging over there. Sylvia, just try not to touch … anything.”

Sylvia smirked and threw up her arms in mock surrender as Brant walked into the kitchen.

“Brant, honey, could you please hand me the measuring spoon. It’s hanging on the fridge,” said Lesley. “Pamela, this really is the most amazing little gadget. It’s two-sided, teaspoon at one end and tablespoon at the other. And it’s magnetic, so you can stick it just about anywhere!”

Pamela stifled a laugh as Sylvia leaned over and whispered, “I’d like to stick it somewhere.”

Warranty: 1 Year JosephJoseph

Condition: New

Features:

Elevate Slotted Turner and Elevate Spoon

The Elevate utensils are designed to improve hygiene and minimize the mess made by placing mucky utensils onto kitchen surfaces
An innovative weighted handle with an integrated tool rest ensures that when an Elevate utensil is placed down, the head is always raised off the work surface
Ergonomic soft-grip handle
The nylon head is heat resistant to 480°F/240°C
Suitable for non-stick cookware
Dishwasher safe

Square Colander – Medium

Sits comfortably in a sink for easy use
Ergonomic handle for safe use
Vertical drainage for added safety
Unique square design and hanging hole for easy storage options
4 pint/2.5 liter capacity
Dishwasher safe

Additional Photos:

You get the colander, but not the apples.

Chop2Pot Plus Chopping Board

Laid flat, Chop2Pot Plus provides a durable, knife-friendly cutting surface for food preparation
When the handle is squeezed, the sides of the board fold up, forming a chute down which chopped food or waste can be neatly guided
The design uses the proven ‘living-hinge’ technology to achieve its transformation
It also features a comfortable, soft-grip handle and non-slip feet for extra safety and convenience
Award-Winning patented design
Dishwasher safe

Additional Photos:

Magnetic Measuring Spoon

4 Measurements from 1 magnetic spoon!
The teaspoon and tablespoon measures each contain a 1/2-measure fill line
Magnets within the handle make it easy to attach to a fridge or any metal surface
Easy to hold half-loop finger grip
Not only are they always within reach, but they also make ideal memo holders
Dishwasher safe

Additional Photos:

Magnetic Measuring Spoon, just hangin' out.

Dimensions:

Elevate Spoon: 12.25” L x 2.75” W x 1” D
Elevate Slotted Turner: 12.5” L x 3.5” W x 1” D
Square Colander – Medium: 7.75” L x 7.75” W x 4.5” H
Chop2Pot Plus Chopping Board: 10.25” L x 8.5” W x 0.25” D
Magnetic Measuring Spoon: 6” L x 1.75” W x 0.75” D

In the box:

(1) JosephJoseph Kitchen 5-Piece Tool Set (includes)
- Elevate Spoon
- Elevate Slotted Turner
- Square Colander – Medium
- Chop2Pot Plus Chopping Board
- Magnetic Measuring Spoon

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Valley Forge All American Flag Kit

Mon, 14 May 2012 00:00:21 -0500

Glory Days

If you’re going to hang a flag, at least buy one made in the USA.

Sylvia first met Pamela back in 1976, when they were both little girls. They had patriotic ice cream bars and sat on a rock near their school. They talked a little bit about the President, and both decided when they grew up, they’d be Presidents together. It never dawned on them how the idea of “co-Presidents” wasn’t in the Constitution. This was America! They could do whatever they wanted!

Probably that’s why, when Sylvia saw Brant and Lesley hanging a silkscreened canvas of Che above their sofa, Pamela was the first person she called. Pamela snorted into her phone and walked across the hall to see for herself. Then she grabbed her purse. The two friends were off to buy a Valley Forge All-American US Flag Kit for Sylvia’s balcony.

The pole was “powder coated tough” according to the box, a dry, electrostatically charged paint forming a tough and durable coating. The flag was pretty solid too, 100% Nylon with embroidered stars and sewn stripes, plus a sewn sleeve to keep it all in place. Pamela held the pole while Sylvia attached the brackets, and then they unfolded the flag the way they’d learned on those camping trips with Pamela’s dad, the Marine. They saluted it just to drive the point home because they saw their neighbors scowling through the window.

The super told Sylvia later, over coffee, that Brant and Lesley had complained how Sylvia’s flag was blocking their view of the skyline.

“And what did you say?” Sylvia asked him, setting another cannoli on his plate.

“I didn’t say nothing,” replied the super. “It’s his right to think whatever he wants. But you know me, Sylvia. I’m a busy guy. And I don’t run into you so often, so I can’t tell you to take down that flag. Maybe not until…”

“September,” said Sylvia.

“September.” said the super. “This cannoli fresh today?”

“I know a guy,” smiled Sylvia. “In a city like this, it pays to have the right connections.”

“That’s what America’s all about!” answered the super, taking another bite.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Condition: New

Features:

Kit comes with everything you need to proudly display an American flag: a 6-foot stainless steel pole, a high quality United States flag, and bracket
100% Nylon 3’x5’ 50-Star United States Flag with sewn stripes, embroidered stars and a 4-stich fly-hem
Solid brass grommets
All poles are powder coated tough – a dry, electrostatically charged paint that forms an extremely tough and durable coating that resists cracking, peeling, marring and corrosion
2-position brackets are made from recycled high-density polyethylene (HDPE), tested 25% stronger than the nylon and abs brackets commonly used in the market
All Valley Forge U.S. flags are sourced, woven, dyed, finished, sewn and distributed in the USA in domestically owned facilities, with American labor

Additional Photos:

In the box:

(1) Valley Forge All-American US Flag Kit includes:
- (1) 6-Foot Stainless Steel Powder Coated Pole (choose chrome, bronze or black)
- (1) Nylon 3’ x 5’ U.S. Flag
- Mounting Hardware

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Nordicware Rose Bundt Pan

Sun, 13 May 2012 00:00:13 -0500

New Rose

You were always allergic to roses. But this Mother’s Day, I’m gonna do you proud.

Mom, I remember the first time I came home with flowers. I saw a field of them on my way home from school and I picked them all for you. I decided it would be the perfect gift for the best Mommy I knew. But when I gave them to you… of course you said thank you, but your eyes turned red, and full of tears. Because your allergies meant you couldn’t really enjoy a gift of flowers.

Over the years I learned other ways to express my love on your special days. Maybe I’d draw you a card for your birthday or make you a fine Christmas dinner. But then I’d think about the other mothers in your office, maybe saying “Oh, my son got me roses… what about YOUR son?” And Mom, if there’s gonna be a mother battle, you deserve to come out on top.

So, this year, I’ve picked up a Nordicware Rose Bundt Pan. The cast aluminum makes for perfect baking, and the nonstick interior means there won’t be any torn-up petals when I flip my cake onto a tray. Maybe I’ll throw in a little food coloring or whip up a cherry glaze so I can paint the whole thing red. And once I’m done, I’ll wheel your cake through the office with a big smile on my face, yelling “FLOWERS! FLOWERS FOR MY MOMMY!”

Of course you’ll share with the rest of the office. Why wouldn’t you? You’ll be setting a new standard! I just feel sorry for their sons. But what can you expect? They didn’t grow up with the best mommy in the world.

And I did. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

Warranty: Lifetime Nordicware

Condition: New

Features:

This easy-release pan produces a beautiful rose-shaped cake with petals good enough to eat
Original Cast Aluminum Bakeware provides fine details and superior baking performance
Distinctive premium nonstick interiors allow for quick release and easy cleanup
Heat reflective silver platinum exteriors ensure uniform browning
10 cup capacity
Use and care information can be found here
Dimensions: 9.067”L x 9.067”W x 3.875”H

Additional Photos:

In the box:

(1) Nordicware 54148 Rose Bundt Pan

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Kelty Picnic Pack 12

Sat, 12 May 2012 00:00:34 -0500

One More Hill

This spot looks nice, right? Can’t we picnic here? Fine, then can I at least take a moment to catch my breath?

Look, I know you want this picnic to be “perfect” and stuff, but you know what’d really be swell right now? Not feeling this burning in my legs and lungs. That would really make this the best “three month anniversary of the day we kissed” or whatever day this is supposed to be.

Ballpark it for me: About how much longer am I gonna lug this Kelty Picnic Pack around? ‘Cause, I gotta tell ya, too many rocks or too many trees doesn’t really concern me much anymore, not so much as self-preservation. I know I’m a little out of shape, but you’ve got enough food in the compartments and pockets of this freestanding beast to feed five couples, not to mention everything you brought along for us to drink. Do we really need an entire twelve pack of soda in the waterproof cooler bottom AND two bottles of wine in the internal mesh wine bottle pockets? It just seems excessive. Kinda like walking all over these stupid woods for an hour just to eat a bunch of cold fried chicken and watch a dumb sunset.

Oh crap, I’m sorry, Stacy. I didn’t mean it. It’s just… No, of course I love you. Of course I’ve been looking forward to enjoying your egg salad. I… Sigh. Okay. Just a little further, then. I’m sure the view and your fruit cups will be much better just across that ridge.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Condition: New

Features:

This highly versatile bag has separate compartments to allow for dry storage, cooler options and plenty of pockets for all the little stuff
Multiple carrying positions make it easy to tote or wear as a backpack
PVC-free
Freestanding
Two internal mesh wine bottle pockets
Beverage capacity (12 oz. cans): 12
Waterproof cooler lining on bottom half
Two external mesh stash pockets
External zippered stash pocket
Internal slash pocket
Dual carry handles
Delrin hoop frame
Stowable shoulder straps
U-shaped lid
Taped seams in bottom
Material-Body Fabric:330D polyester mini-ripstop / 210D polyester oxford
Material-Lining: PEVA lining

Additional Photos:

Specifications
Volume:	1850 in3 / 30.3 L
Weight:	1 lb 14 oz / .86 Kg
Length:	17 in / 43 cm
Width:	15 in / 38 cm
Depth:	9.5 in / 24 cm

In the box:

(1) Kelty 72001151 Picnic Pack 12, Style No. KLY01302

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Ginsu Shoku 8-Piece Block Set

Fri, 11 May 2012 00:00:26 -0500

DINNER AND A CIRCUS

They slice. They dice. They fly through the air with the greatest of ease.

“Oh HEY Greeeeeg. Look everyone! Greg’s here.”

Hey Lisa. I … thought we were having dinner.

“Oh we are, we are. I just thought it’d be more fun if we invited a few other people.”

A few? There have to be at least a couple hundred out there.

“Oh they’re just here to watch.”

Watch? Watch what? And why are these five all wearing sequined costumes and holding Ginsu knives with different colored handles?”

“That’s so we’ll know who got closest.”

Closest to what?

“Never mind that. Now would you please just put on this blindfold …”

Huh?

“That’s good. Now just stand riiiight over here against this wall and put this apple on top of your head … perfect, just like that.”

WHAT IS GOING ON? Are you guys having a KNIFE-throwing contest?

“Don’t be silly, Greg. Why in the world would we want to throw these fully-forged Japanese steel blades at you, even though they hold an incredibly sharp edge and would be perfect for that sort of thing?”

Then why am I …

“I mean, really. That’s just preposterous. I would never allow anyone to GET A REALLY GOOD GRIP on these contemporary, ergonomic handles that are precision balanced for optimum cutting BEFORE LAUNCHING THEM in your general direction.”

Well then how come they’re all staring at me intently while unsheathing them one-by-one from the easily accessible hardwood block?

“Let’s save the 20 Questions for after dinner, Greg. Now just turn a little sideways … yep, just like that. And if you could, hold this balloon between your teeth. Now whatever you do … DON’T MOVE A MUSCLE.”

Warranty: Limited Lifetime Douglas Quikut

Condition: New

Features:

Contemporary hardwood block adds elegance to your kitchen while keeping your knives easily accessible
Fully-forged Japanese steel that is well known for its stain and rust resistance alongside strength and the ability to hold an incredibly sharp edge
Contemporary, ergonomic handles are precision balanced for optimum cutting
Unique anodizing process on handle brings color and elegance into any kitchen environment
The 8-Piece Set includes:
- 8-inch Chef’s Knife
- 8-inch Bread Knife
- 7-inch Santoku
- 5-inch Boning Knife
- 4.5-inch Utility Knife
- 3.5-inch Paring Knife
- Honing Rod
- Hardwood Block

Additional Photos: (Crimson shown for presentation purposes.)

Specifications:

Block Dimensions: 9”D x 3”W x 9.5” H (without Honing Rod) – 14.25” H (with Honing Rod)
Knife Dimensions:
- 8-inch Chef’s Knife: 8” blade / 5.25” handle (13.25” total length)
- 8-inch Bread Knife: 8” blade / 5.25” handle (13.25” total length)
- 7-inch Santoku: 7” blade / 5.25” handle (12.25” total length)
- 5-inch Boning Knife: 5” blade / 5.25” handle (11.25” total length)
- 4.5-inch Utility Knife: 4.5” blade / 4.25” handle (9.25” total length)
- 3.5-inch Paring Knife: 3.5” blade / 4.25” handle (7.75” total length)
- Honing Rod: 8” rod / 5.5” handle (13.5” total length)
Material Composition:
- Stainless Steel Blade
- Resin Handle

In the box:
Choose the COLOR that will best coordinate with your kitchen’s soul.

Ginsu Shoku 8-Piece Block Set includes: (choose color)
- 8-inch Chef’s Knife
- 8-inch Bread Knife
- 7-inch Santoku
- 5-inch Boning Knife
- 4.5-inch Utility Knife
- 3.5-inch Paring Knife
- Honing Rod
- Hardwood Block

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Westinghouse 4pc Solar Light Set

Thu, 10 May 2012 00:00:18 -0500

There Are Four Lights

That’s weird. The walk to the front door didn’t seem so frightening before the horror movie.

You can’t sit in your car in the driveway all night. Just relax.

Sure, that one guy from the movie lived in a house not unlike yours and was also coming from a horror movie when those awful, gory things happened to him, but you know that wasn’t real. It was only a movie. An incredibly intense and scary movie that you’ll probably have nightmares about for a while, but still a piece of fiction. Even if it was based on a true story that happened in your neighborhood several years ago, you’ve probably got nothing to worry about.

Besides, don’t you have that Westinghouse 4-Piece Solar Light Set lining the walkway to the house? Just look at the way the LEDs beautifully illuminate the way to the safety of your home. What masked maniac would snatch you while there’s such dazzling mosaic-patterned shades and stainless steel construction in the area? One without any appreciation for their efficient amorphous solar panel and automatic activation, maybe, and there’s no way such a monster could ever exist! So, go on. Open the door and go inside. What could happen?

Of course, if this were a movie, there’s a good chance a knife-wielding lunatic could already be in the house, just waiting to pounce. Hmm.

Maybe you should spend the night at a friend’s place, just in case.

Warranty: 1 Year Westinghouse

Condition: New

Features:

Stainless steel construction and mosaic patterned shades in natural colors to accent your garden or walkway
Switch between natural white and multi-colored LEDs in each of these solar-powered mosaic lights, they’re sure to add a beautifully bright touch to your lawn, garden, or patio area
An efficient amorphous solar panel charges the lights during the day, and a photo sensor automatically turns them on at dusk
Solar light needs to charge in full sunlight 8 – 12 hours to allow the rechargeable battery to reach maximum capacity

Additional Photos:

Specifications:

Stainless Steel Construction
Natural White and Multi-Colored LED Bulbs
(1) 400mAh NiCd AA Battery (each light)
150mm Head
Autumn Glass Lens
Dimensions: 17”(H) x 5.75”(D)

In the box:

(4) Westinghouse 802014-41GOMX Mosaic Solar Light
(4) 400mAh NiCd AA Battery

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Germ Guardian AC5250 Air Cleaning System

Wed, 09 May 2012 00:00:38 -0500

Let’s Class Up This Joint

I’m the Guardian of the Air. Fig-a-ro. Fig-a-ro.

La la la le la
La da la la
La la la le la
La la la la!

Clean-ing your air HEPA each day
My way!
La la la la la la la la la
La!
Crush-ing bad smells through my UV-C rays
You’ll say:
Boy this Germ Guardian does work so well!
Well!

Tungsten dioxide!
Gets mold spores small size!
Easy to uuuuuuuuse!
When there are scents
Which you disagree!
Which you disagree!

Ah, bravo Guardian, take smells released they go
Far away, far away, far away!
La!
Fiiiiive different speeds, no weeds make you sneeze
Bra-vo!
La la la la la la la la la
La!

What a fine air filter that we offer!
What a fine air filter that we offer!
La la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la la la!

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 5 Year Guardian Technologies

Condition: New

Features:

Cleans your air in 3 ways by utilizing a true HEPA filter, UV-C light and an activated carbon filter
The true HEPA (High-Efficiency Particulate Air) filter captures 99.97% of airborne allergens down to 0.3 microns in size, such as: household dust, pet dander, mold spores and plant pollens
UV-C light technology works with Titanium Dioxide (TiO2) to decompose remaining odor molecules caused by smoking, cooking and pets
The activated carbon filter removes odors and smoke particles from the air
With a CADR rating of over 120, you can safely use it in small or large rooms with equal efficacy
Digital Controls for Easy Operation
5 fan speeds and timer setting
Filter Replacement Indicator light on the control panel will illuminate indicating when it is time to replace your filter
Depending on usage, filter will last approximately 6 to 8 months
Owner’s manual available here

Additional Photos:

Technical Specifications:

Dimensions: 7”W x 10.25”D x 28”H
Power Cord Length: 70"
Weight: 10.55 lbs
Clean Air Delivery Rate (CADR): 120+ (Smoke: 125.4, Dust: 139.1, Pollen: 148.7)
Replacement Filter: Filter C (FLT5000)
Replacement Bulb: LB5000 Bulb (8W)
Input Voltage: 120 V 60Hz 60W, 0.5 A

In the box:

(1) Germ Guardian AC5250 3-in-1 Digital Air Cleaning System

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Bush Segments Swivel TV Stand

Tue, 08 May 2012 00:00:33 -0500

We All Make Sacrifices

I’m telling you, Doug, with a few fancy candles, some dark fabric, and a skull or two, you won’t even miss that old altar.

“Except that it’s not an altar. This is not an altar at all! This is someone’s entertainment center, Joey. How in the name of the Lesser Horrid Creeping Things are we supposed to complete our awful master’s rituals with this?”

First of all, it’s actually a Bush Segments Swivel TV Stand. Calling it a mere “entertainment center” cheapens its exquisite design, as well as the amount of trouble I had to go through to get it here for tonight’s meeting, thank you very much.

“But why is it here at all? Where’s the old altar, the one that’s eight hundred years old with ornate carvings of the gaping jaws of Chaos itself carved into the sides and rubies set into his eyes that deaden the soul at a glance?”

Oh, well, you know Willard and Opal next door, right? See, I ran into them while I was cloak shopping and they mentioned they sorta kinda needed a buffet table for their granddaughter’s Sweet 16 party, and they’re just so nice, you know? I couldn’t just tell them “no.” Besides, don’t you think the Rosebud cherry finish and tempered glass have a nice warming effect on the dungeon? It’s much more soothing than that dreary old purple marble thing, I think. Once we put a stereo and a few Tomes of Infinite Madness on the shelves, you’ll see what I mean.

“You can’t be serious. That entertainment…”

AHEM. Swivel TV Stand.

“WHATEVER. The thing’s only two feet high! Do you expect us to squat as we perform our darkest of arts? Maybe we could conceal our sacrificial daggers in the wire wrangling spine if you haven’t let the neighbors borrow those, too.”

Oh, that is a good idea! I hadn’t thought of that! I’ll be honest, though, I seriously doubt the top will support the weight of your average virgin. We could, however, attempt to somehow restrain said virgin on the 10 degrees-swiveling mounting bracket, provided they’re 60 inches or less and weigh less than 154 pounds. But there’s good news! I think I’ve found the perfect 47-inch sacrifice for the job.

Warranty: 1 Year Manufacturer

Condition: New

Features:

Accommodates most flat panel TVs up to 60” and 154 lbs.
Mounting bracket (included) allows TV, when mounted, to swivel 10 degrees to the right or left for optimal viewing
Fixed, tempered glass shelves hold DVD players, DVRs and more
Spine has openings for wire access and concealment
Solid wood segments with a rosebud cherry finish bring a classic look to any room
Silver-tone metal rings lend decorative appeal
Assembly required- instructions available here
Assembled Dimensions: 56.93” W X 22.01” D X 24.09” H

Additional Photos:

Special Information: A physical street address is required for delivery. Due to the size of this item, it can not be delivered to PO BOX or MILITARY addresses.

In the box:

(1) Bush Furniture Segments Collection 60” Swivel TV Stand

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Pair Bi-Cast Parsons Chairs

Mon, 07 May 2012 00:00:24 -0500

Was I dreaming?

You’ll lose yourself in these Bi-Cast Leather Parsons Chairs!

Uh oh! It happened again! I got too comfortable and blacked out! Okay quick, assess the situation. There’s my girlfriend. There’s her parents. They’re crying and frowning, respectively. That feels like my tie tied around my head. Important questions to consider: where’s my shirt? Why am I holding my shoe in my mouth? Whose watch is this? Am I sitting on a Bi-Cast Leather Parsons Chair?

Good, okay! At least that explains how I got comfortable enough for this to happen! I mean, not only does the chair have a cushioned back and seat, but its contemporary minimalist design is so inviting, how could I possibly resist sitting in it and losing myself in a world of uninhibited pleasure and mischief? And if I remember correctly, these things are also pretty easy to clean. Good news if I did what I did last time…

But no time to deal with that right now. First, I have to fix all this stuff with my girlfriend and her family. Quick, say something to make it better… Ummm… what about…

LOL! Jk, you guys, jk!

Hmm. Didn’t seem to work. Alright, then plan B. Window! Out! Runrunrunrunrun! New name! New identity! Good bye forever, old life!

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Condition: New

Features:

Textured leather surface in red, black or brown
Stable, cherry-hued wooden legs
Contemporary, minimalist design
Cushioned back and seat
Easy-to-clean surfaces
Assembly required - come ready to assemble with four pieces and required tools
Dimensions: 36.5”H x 16.25”W x 16.5”D

About Bi-Cast Leather:

Bi-cast leather is a split leather with a layer of polyurethane applied to the surface and then embossed. This gives the finished product a consistent texture and results in easy cleaning and maintenance. Treating the leather with polyurethane gives the product a long-lasting "like new" appearance. Bi-cast leather is easily cleaned with a damp cloth.

Additional Photos:

In the box:

(2) Beverly D8102 Bi-Cast Leather Parsons Chairs

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