Phil smirked as he slid the Missed Connections section of the Classifieds over to Danielle. "Looks like someone's got a fan."
Hark, beautiful and unknown Lady of the City! 'Tis I, your humble and much-enamored hero, who did but miss a chance to introduce myself with a gentle word and a kiss upon thy lovely hand. Had it not been for that foul beast of a Prius, we might be together this very day! Woe be to those of the Kingdom of Ford for such a foul, consciousness-stealing blow.
But fear not, gentle maiden, for in the weeks of bone-mending and healing I had to endure, I reflected upon the vision of your loveliness which I beheld that day outside what I assume to be thy castle. The way the sunlight gleamed upon your spectacles, the way the wind tossed your dark hair about, even the way your t-shirt with the somewhat disappointing visual pun hung upon your wonderful frame fueled the fires of my desire. I can still hear the grunt you made as you attempted to drag the tube containing the queen-sized 10" Luxury Memory Foam Mattress that had been delivered to your tower door when I close my eyes. 'Tis like a mental wind chime to my soul.
Do not think that I am some creeping devil for knowing of your love for the combination of next-generation memory foam and energy absorbing Intellifoam on a polyurethane base, kind woman. 'Twas the delivery person who did call the ambulance that stole me away from you. As I lay there in his arms, bleeding internally, I begged him to tell me your name. Alas, he would not due to fear of a lawsuit. However, to keep my awake until the healers of the realm arrived, he regaled me with tales of the two-and-a-half inch pillowtop, the airflow ducts that would provide a soft coolness to your body, and supportive four pound density. In small amount of time I had before blacking out, I wished to be that mattress more than anything else in the Kingdom.
Prithee, heart-stealing beauty, if you do remember the commotion outside your building weeks ago and are enchanted by my tale, do seek me out using the box number below. I shall wait humbly for word of you affections.
P.S. I'm really into fantasy role-playing. I hope that's not a deal-breaker. I did get run over by a car for you. Just sayin'.
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