Can't the King of the Castle just get a decent meal and a good night's rest already?

"King Memory Foam looked down from upon his upholstered headboard throne and surveyed his dominion. Three dirty socks and a single roller skate dotted the landscape. His trusty Labrador steed, Patches, lay in wait at his feet. Suddenly, a knock!"

"'Who dares disturb me whilst I settle down for my evening slumber? The convection cooled mattress is beckoning me. For tonight I shall escape into a dream of 8" high-density supportive base foam.'"

"King Memory Foam awaited a response that never came. The disturbance twas nothing more than the plantation shutters catching the wind."

"At long last, King Memory Foam lay down, the mattress molding to his body, thus eliminating uncomfortable pressure points and alleviating muscle and joint pains."

"Just as he was drifting off, thoughts of his grand feast of creamed corn and hush puppies still dancing through his head, he sensed a maleficent presence. The elimination of motion transfer common in most mattresses, while usually a delight, had betrayed him! For he was delayed in his awareness, and therefore unable to escape before she was upon him."

"It was his wife, the Queen, still angry he had refused her offering of meatloaf, which she KNEW he hated more than anything else in the whole wide …"

"Seriously, Marv. Can you just get over the meatloaf already and go to sleep? I have to get up early."

"Sorry, dear. Nite."

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