Awesome, bro. Awesome.

Hey man, I- Hey man, I just wanted to say-

“You’re drunk!”

Yeah. Yeah, man, I am. I’ll own that. It’s my cross to bear. But dude.

“What?”

Dude.

“What?”

Dude, I love you. You’re the best roommate a dude could ask for, dude.

“Aw, thanks man. You’re awesome, too. Bros!”

Bros! Listen, this is the best birthday I’ve ever had. Who knew walking three blocks to the dive bar on Main Street and doing shots until I can’t see straight was exactly what I wanted?

“Spared no expense.”

Listen, I’ve seen you talking to my sister, man.

“Oh, Johnny, I just-”

It’s cool, man. It’s cool. Just promise me one thing.

“Okay…”

When you take her home, give her the ol’ Stow-N-Go.

“Oh, I- What? I don’t think I heard you.”

Stow. N. Go. Bro.

“Uh, okay. So you’re cool with it?”

Totally. How could I not be? You’re awesome!

“Right on, well that’s great. I mean, we’re young and all, but I really just hit it off with Stephanie. She was worried you’d be upset that we were, y’know, hangin’ out.”

Hangin’ out? You’re hangin’ out with my sister? DUDE! Not cool!

“What? Why? What happened to ‘give her the ol stow-n-go?’ I thought you were okay with it!”

I was REFERRING to our Stow-N-Go Double Air Mattress with Built-In Pump. She’s obviously had too much to drink and she’ll need a place to crash, and I’m too drunk to figure out how to get that thing laid out.

“Oh. Stow-N-Go. Got it.”

How could you POSSIBLY think I was giving you the okay to nail my sister?

“To be honest, I was confused. But you talk in a lot of weird, frat boy abbreviations and euphemisms. I figured I’d just roll with it.”

Dude.

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