You might think life as a crime fighter is pretty exciting, but that's a common misconception. Really it's just a lot of paper work. I get bored with the day-to-day, so I moonlight as a personal chef. Here's my card. Yep, that's my motto. "Whipping up bad guys and soufflés!" My wife wrote it. She moonlights as a motto writer.
This is a total racket. In most cases, a good chef's knife and a fork could handle the job just as quickly and easily. For instance, why on Earth would I buy a … OMG IS THAT AN AVOCADO MASHER??? Look at how cute and stylish it is! I have been doing it WRONG all these years! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!