I’m classin’ up this refrigerator! Co-workers: you’re welcome!

“Whaddya got today, Byron?”

“Duck confit over a bed of greens and celery puree with roasted Brussels sprouts. You?”

“Sandwich. I think it’s ham. Might be turkey. I can never tell with this lunchmeat.”

“Fascinating.”

“Say, you been workin’ here with us, what? Three months now?”

“I have had the pleasure of working in your esteemed company for 14 weeks now, Michael.”

“Mikey. I keep tellin’ you, it’s Mikey.”

“My apologies.”

“I’m just sayin’, stuff like that makes it kinda hard for the guys to accept you. Ain’t you interested in fittin’ in?”

“My dear Michael, I can only be true to myself. If ‘fitting in’ requires me to become some sort of ill-mannered ruffian, I fear I will just have to tolerate the ostracism of my fellows.”

“I don’t even know what you just said, Byron. I really don’t. But maybe you could start small, y’know? Come out to lunch and grab a hoagie with us.”

“But I bring my meals in my Lock & Lock 8-Piece Porcelain Container Set.”

“Why do you say the whole name of the thing like that? That’s weird.”

“I apologize, Michael, but-”

“Stop! Just bring your food in plastic storage containers, or plastic bags. None of this high-falutin’ porcelain crap. Guys don’t eat out of porcelain, Byron. Chicks do.”

“I assure you my previous employer, Lord Montwell, supped from such containers while on fox hunts and on the go when fine silver was unavailable. Besides, it’s easy to clean, it’s safe to use in the freezer, dishwasher, microwave, and even in the oven up to 500 degrees Fahrenheit.”

“See, this is what I’m talkin’ about. This is why you’re the least popular guy on this construction site.”

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