Holidays are over. Now, finally, you only have to cook for yourself. And you know who really deserves your best work? You do. So it's time to upgrade your kitchen, and save the really good stuff for the only mouth that really matters: yours. And possibly whoever you're trying to seduce's.
It doesn't have enough of this stuff in it. But you have the power to fix that, if you're feeling heroic. Your kitchen needs these goodies, but lacks the power- nay, the will- to triumph over the evil forces of using the internet. And there's no getting these things without using the internet. But you're already using the internet, aren't you? That must mean you're the hero spoken of in your kitchen's prophecies, come to save it from not having this stuff.