Moustaches Mug

As a man with a handsome moustache (and I presume a handsome soul), I can tell you that the message on the box is not an inappropriate jab at the moustache-less, but a warning. Yes a warning. You see almost a month ago I accidentally sheered off a few whiskers from the upper left side of my moustache and I found myself in an immediate pain. My lip trembled from a burn, as if I had pressed a hot skillet to it. It felt as if the jaws of hell were closing around my very self. I fell asleep after what seemed like hours of intense spasms. Some time later, I awoke, sweating profusely in my bathroom floor. As I turned my head to the side and let out a small grunt due to the pain and tension I felt in my neck and all over, my eyes focused on the three whiskers on the floor beside me. I felt a profound sense of loss, as if a trusted companion had fell before my eyes. I know I lost something that day I can never have back. I'm lucky to have recovered, with only a small part of my soul being removed from myself. I'm afraid your father has indeed lost his soul. I caution you Grace B. If your father lost his soul, just what is using his body now? Before reading your message, I was not aware a man could part with his entire moustache and live. I know I wouldn't have. It makes me wonder, just what does my wonderful moustache do, aside from making me so dandy? Perhaps those metaphorical jaws of hell weren't so metaphorical after all. Perhaps our fine friend is all that protects us from the abyss. And without this filter, just what can come through? I do not know the answers, but I do know this; A man without a moustache is a man without a soul. Be careful Grace, be careful. As for this product itself I will give it 5 stars. I must not be the only one to have shed a few pieces of my soul and live. Whoever designed this fine product and it's packaging must have suffered as I have. I tip my hat to you sir. You're doing God's work.