Sure, you could totally be on TV. All you need is three pairs of Spanx and this Dyson fan.

Sylvia knocked on Pamela’s door before walking in. “Hey Pammers, just wondering if you wanted to- ”

“Shhhh!” Pamela interrupted. “I’m watching the season finale of Right Side of the Tracks. They just lost the estate to the Americans and Emily is saying goodbye to Cook.”

“My deepest and sincerest apologies,” said Sylvia sarcastically. She sat in silence until a commercial came on. It was for a line of hair products, and the models whipped their flowing silken locks around seductively.

“Oh give me a break,” said Sylvia. “Look at that nonsense. No one’s hair really moves like that. They’re obviously in a wind tunnel or something.”

Pamela turned around just in time to see Sylvia pressing the LED on/off control of her Dyson Air Multiplier Bladeless Fan. Her hair suddenly whipped straight back and she moved her head from side to side as if in slow motion.

With an overly affected sexy tone, she started touting the features of the fan. “No chopping blades means no buffeting. I’m not smart enough to know what that means, but don’t I look SEXY?”

Pamela just shook her head.

“Re-engineered for improved sound quality. It’s so quiet, you won’t have any problem hearing all the naughty little things I plan to whisper in your ear,” Sylvia continued.  

“Are you done yet?” asked Pamela. But Sylvia wasn’t.

“Oooh, and look. It has a low center of gravity. The base-mounted motor means it’s not at all top heavy like conventional bimbos … I mean fans,” she said while bending over slightly and squeezing her cleavage together.

“Spot-on performance, my friend. It’s really quite amazing you were never in film,” Pamela said as Sylvia shut off the fan and made her way over to the couch.

“Oh I was in films,” Sylvia said with a wink. “Just ones you’re too prudish to see. Now will you PLEASE be quiet already? I have to know if Emily ends up with Lord What’s-His-Face.”

Pamela continued to stare at Sylvia for a moment. She was pretty sure she was kidding about the underground film career, but with Sylvia, she never could be too sure. 

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