It’s not so much “Home Sweet Home” as it is “Room Sweet Room With A Small Bathroom.”

Mom, Dad, I know you guys have been a little worried about me since I moved to the big scary city. Yeah the neighborhood isn’t the greatest, but weren’t those gentlemen outside the apartment building door great? I know I feel safer with them out there, especially since they’re so adamant about stabbing anyone who tries to go inside who doesn’t give them some money. By the way, thanks for catching that this time, Dad. I’ll pay you back just as soon as I get on my feet.

Anyway, I really think you guys will come around as soon as you see the apartment. I know it smells a little like rotten meat out here in the hall, but that all changes once we get inside. Ready? Take a look at this! So? What do you think? You’re speechless, aren’t you? Let me show you around.

Okay, so as you can see, this corner on the left is my living room area. I’ve got my futon in couch-mode for relaxing after a hard day busing tables. I thought about painting over the water damage on the wall behind it, but I think that adds a little urban charm, don’t you? The corner over here is my “office,” complete with milk crate desk. It’s just one milk crate right now, but I’m hoping to score some more soon to fill the area out.

Now the police say I can’t use that cozy little kitchen corner until after the trial, but they haven’t taped off access to the fire escape, which is where I do most of my cooking on the Cobb Portable Stainless Steel Grill & Smoker. It’s really great, too, because not only will the grill cook for 3 hours at up to 450 degrees on only 8-10 charcoal briquettes, but it’s virtually smokeless so it doesn’t bother the upstairs neighbors. And just look at this view of the alley! You know, I saw the cutest family of rats down there just yesterday. Very heartwarming stuff.

Mom, please stop crying. I know you’re happy for me, but you’re embarrassing me in front of Dad.

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