Keep these close, friends. You never know when quality television might rear its ugly head.

Nope. No. No. No. Seen it. Seen it. No. Nope. Wait, do I even get that channel? Crap, I guess I don’t. Sigh. No. No. No. Seen it. Nope. Seen it. No.

What the heck? Come on, remote, change the channel! Dang, I guess the batteries are dead and… Oh, what is this? British people? Talking about British things in the early 1900’s? The struggles of people of different socio-economic status played against a changing world at war? Nuh uh, no way. I can’t get emotionally invested in a BBC costume drama right now. The Walking Dead comes back in just a few weeks! Just one more spark, remote! Please!

Gah, it’s no use! I’ll have to change the channel manually. Ugh, but the TV is SO FAR and I’m comfy here on the couch with my blanket and… Why is that blonde woman so sad? Is she in love with that man with the cane? That poor lady is… NO! I have zombies to think about! Have to fight the pull of pleasurable accents and well-written dialogue. Must not let… the magic of the BBC keep me… from what’s truly important…

Wait! I know I just bought a 60-pack of Fuji Extra Long Life Heavy-Duty Batteries! Yes, I stored some under the couch just in case fate conspired to remove me from my well-worn seat! I just have to reach for them before the mystery of why Lady Grantham’s maid is so nasty to everyone take hold of my heart! Oh dear! I know a character’s name! I’ve got to hurry…

THERE! There they are! No harmful mercury or cadmium, 900 mAh, and they don’t expire ‘til 2014! Thank goodness! Now I’ll just pop these in the back of the remote and I can go back to flipping aimlessly through the channels.

Phew! That was close. A minute more and the utterly charming and stoic ways of the head butler of that house or abbey or whatever may have captured my imagination. Now let’s see what else is on. No. No. Nope. Seen it. Nope.

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