Guys, I’m the Senior Merchandising Assistant, not your personal barista.

Hey, guys, listen, can we talk about… Sure, Jack, here’s your iced mocha. Anyway, about the… Yeah, I’ve got your decaf latte with skim right here, Steve. Kevin, pass that over, will you? About this coffee, guys, I… Kevin, can you scoot over a little more, please? I’ll give you your stupid caramel macchiato in a minute, just lemme get in the car! THANK YOU, gosh.

Sigh. Seriously, guys. We need to talk about this coffee thing. I appreciate that you let me carpool without giving gas money in exchange for my making your morning cup of joe with my Saeco Vienna Plus Anthracite Superautomatic Espresso Machine, but it’s gotten a little ridiculous, don’t you think? I mean, I know the coffee in the office is crap, and we save a lot of time not stopping in a drive-thru, but… What’s that, Ted? Oh, yeah, it’s this one. Three shots of espresso, right? There you go.

I really don’t mean to complain. It was fine when you guys just wanted plain old coffee. With one-touch brewing, making a cup for everyone was easy. Even grinding the beans with the adjustable built-in conical burr grinder and pre-brewing with the Aroma System wasn’t a big deal. Lately, though, you guys are getting a little too fancy on me and COULD YOU PLEASE DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR ARM OTHER THAN SHOVING IT BETWEEN US, KEVIN? Just put it around me, dang! Yeah, you could say I’m a little testy. That’s because I was too busy making everyone else’s drinks to make my own!

I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned my machine has a steam wand with Pannarello Attachment for making cappuccinos and lattes, I guess. But texting me with your orders late at night? Requests for special syrups and sweetened condensed milk? You guys are taking advantage of the situation and it’s gotta stop.

WHOA, hey, could you try to AVOID some of those potholes, Terry? It took me the better part of an hour trying to draw the company logo in the boss’s half-caf, soy latte foam, for Pete’s sake.

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