Excuse me, are you… oh, my goodness, you ARE! It’s you! How cool! Nice to meet you, I’m a total fan.

No, no, don’t panic, I won’t tell anyone you’re here. Somebody like you must value their privacy. And besides, it’s not like I’m a huge fan or anything. Don’t take that the wrong way, please, because I love your work. I’ve really warmed up to it over the years.

Oh, how rude, my name’s Sharper Image Personal Desk Fan Heater.

Yeah, as you can guess, I’m not the kind of fan that only does cool. I can also provide a small blast of heat in an area like… well, maybe like your desk? I guess I haven’t seen your desk in person so I can’t be sure, but I saw that interview you did with Desk Space Monthly last month and I’m pretty sure I could warm that up, no problem. Yeah, I totally tracked that down! I’m a fan, remember?

Anyway, I mostly oscillate and warm air as I move it around, but you can also turn off the heating part. If you’re cold, I’ll help warm you, and if you’re warm, I’ll offer you a breeze. You wouldn’t expect a fan like me to be so useful, right? Guess that’s just the kind of fan I am. Small but loyal, and vital.

But like I said, I know you’re a private sort of person, so I won’t keep bugging you. No, no, I don’t need an autograph or anything, I just wanted to come up and say hi. And thank you. Thanks for just being you. And for all the music you gave to… to…

Oh, wait, my bad. I thought you were Lemmy from Motörhead! Now that I’m up close I can see my mistake. Probably just a trick of the light.

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