Sweetheart, you know I love you more than I can ever express. So for your birthday, I decided to prove it. Here’s a vacuum mop.

That’s right, my darling husband! After last year, when I got you a professionally designed 1/20th scale model of your first car, and you got me half of a Snickers bar (symbolizing how we shared our life, you said) I figured it was time to just accept it: our relationship isn’t about things. It’s about emotion, right? About love and trust and greater adoration and… oh, come on, now, don’t pout, the Bissell Vac and Shine Wet & Dry Mop is pretty neat!

Here, check this out. The Bissell Vac and Shine Wet & Dry Mop has this spray mop, let’s you clean up spills without going to get a big bucket of water. Well, that’s true, you’ve never cleaned up a spill, but now you can! It’s just like how you got me dish soap for Christmas a few years back! Oh, that was the year I got you a two week fishing cruise in the Florida Keys, I think. Boy, do I feel stupid now that I understand you better. You never wanted that! You’ve forgiven me, right?

Now, the Bissell Vac and Shine Wet & Dry Mop also has a powerful cordless vacuum, letting you pick up loose dust and crumbs that go right into the container, which you can then empty. Right into the kitchen garbage can you’ll be giving me on my birthday next week. I know, I peeked, I couldn’t help it. I was so excited! Can I just open it early and start using it now? Please? Pleeeease?

Well, I guess we can talk that over later. It’s unfair of me to be thinking about myself when you want to have fun with your gift! Tell you what, let’s go back into the kitchen and you can use the Bissell Vac and Shine Wet & Dry Mop on the floor while I take photos. Because, it’s your birthday, right, darling! We want to remember that look on your face right now forever!

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