Now you can save the planet using a compost bin shaped like a weapon that could destroy the planet!

To: Galactic Empire Employees, all
From: Tarkin, Grand Moff

Subject: New Environmental Initiative

Greetings all,

I am excited to announce a new initiative aboard the Death Star: we are going green.

As you all know, we take pride in our superweapon’s ability to destroy an entire planet with just one blast. But the truth is that the Death Star has other destructive effects of which we are not so proud. Did you know the gases produced from a single day of standard operations is enough to kill thousands of nearby Gungans and Ewoks? Now imagine if that gas were to effect a species that everyone didn’t hate! So, to avoid such a tragedy, we must drastically change how we do things, and then means thinking of the environment.

How will we reduce our enormous, evil footprint on the universe? Well, as it turns out, the Death Star’s construction optimizes the 4 key components to composting: heat, moisture, mixing, and time. That’s why, by next Thursday any and all vacant space will be filled with household waste. Thanks to our double wall construction and dark color, we’re able to turn that waste into compost in as quickly as six weeks, at which time the space will be emptied and filled with new waste! In doing this, we expect to reduce our impact on the galaxy by nearly 86%! (That’s environmental impact; we’re still going to impact the galaxy a lot by blowing stuff up.)

I’m sure you’re all as excited as I am about these new developments, but nevertheless, feel free to email me with any questions or concerns.

Best,
GMT

P.s. To answer everyone’s first question: yes, it’s gonna smell.

Back to top