You say you won’t give us the coordinates of the lab, Agent 19, but we have ways of making you talk.

Dimitri, bring in the Dyson AM03 Air Multiplier Pedestal Fan. That’s right, Agent 19, you heard that correctly: air multiplication. Breathe in deeply. How does that feel? Not bad, right? Well, now imagine breathing in that same air after it has been multiplied 18 times! Pretty terrifying, huh?

Well, guess what? That’s exactly what this Dyson is capable of; its annular jet draws in surrounding air, multiplying it 18 times! All we need to do is plug it in, adjust the height so that it is level with your face – which is easy thanks to the stand’s constant force tensator spring – turn it on, and then the torture begins.

The room will immediately begin filling with air, 18 times more air than before, and all that air will be cycled through again and again, each time being multiplied, until this tiny torture chamber is so full of air that you’ll barely be able to breathe. Or… wait… maybe it’ll be so full of air that you’ll have no choice but to breathe harder than ever before, so hard it’s painful. Either way, we’re pretty sure it’s going to hurt. So you might want to just cough up those coordinates.

No? That’s fine by us. We don’t mind watching you suffer. You see, Agent 19, with our custom-built breathing masks and the Dyson’s blade-less design, we are not at risk at all. Not even of nicking our fingers, like Petrov did back when we used bladed fans. Petrov, come forward and show Agent 18 your horrid finger. No. Not that one. The one that you cut. It healed?

Dimitri, feed Petrov to the dogs. He’s of no use to me if he can’t serve as an example to illustrate the dangers of bladed fans.

Back to top