What do you mean the motor spins at over 600 mph? Is that all?

Now I’m not saying you always go overboard, Charlie … but maybe there’s a reason people call you “Charlie Overboard.”

Like the time your wife dropped a few bits of cereal on the floor. I think you call it “The Great Cornflake Incident of ’11.” Most people would just bend over and scoop them up. Maybe use a little brush and dustpan, or even tap a toe to get the dog’s attention. Not you, Charlie. You can hear a flake hit from three rooms over. Next thing you know, you’re vaulting over furniture like a gymnast on a pommel horse with the speed and agility of a man much younger than 62. You see, you have the Dyson DC31, the world’s most efficient Multi-Floor Handheld Vacuum, and you intend to use it every chance you get.

Thankfully, the DC31 is lightweight and ergonomic—only 2.9 lbs with balanced weight distribution so it won’t slow you down. And of course, it has the Root Cyclone™ technology so it will never lose suction, even if you run that pup on dual power mode for 10 minutes straight “just to be sure” you got every crumb.

I don’t mean to be a naysayer, Charlie. I didn’t say a word when you power-washed Roscoe because “that’s one dirty dog” or pruned your rose bush with a chainsaw because “they sure are prickly little devils.” I didn’t even hem and haw when you insisted I drive you a ¼ mile to the doctor in an M1 Abrams because “it’s better safe than sorry.”

I’m just saying, maybe you save the Dyson for the really big jobs. Like cleaning the tumbleweeds of pet hair from under the couch, or sucking up the sawdust when you’re done tinkering around in your bomb shelter.

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