Tyler always wanted to be a superhero, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't develop superpowers.

He'd spent most of his childhood and now the beginning of his young adulthood doing everything he could. Every birthday cake, every tooth fairy wish, he asked for superpowers. He even went to such lengths as whenever he saw a spider, letting it bite him, but all that did was cause him to have itchy, sometimes painful spider bites.

But Tyler had read enough comics books, seen enough movies to know there was another route. There was always the Bruce Wayne / Tony Stark method. He didn't need to be superhuman if he had the right equipment. He didn't have much on hand, but he did have a brand new Dyson DC34 Handheld Vacuum. He grabbed his vacuum and declared that from that day forth he would be Vacuum Man.

His days would be spent roaming the street collecting any dust or dirt that he could find. He'd carry the lightweight 2.9 lb vacuum for hours at a time without getting tired. When he found dirt, he would vacuum it, and then dump in the trash.

After a few times on patrol, he got into a rhythm. He seemed to be finding dirt everywhere, and then there was sand, heaping piles of sand. So he fired up his vacuum, and he vacuumed. Oh, did he vacuum, load after load, emptying them in the trash, until finally he had sucked up every last grain of that menacing sand.

Proud of his accomplishment, he surveyed the area. The sand was now gone, and so was the dirt. All that was left was an empty wooden box, a set of swings, and a little boy, staring at him. He smiled at the boy, but the boy started to cry. The boy had a little bucket and shovel in his hands. He dropped them and ran, still crying.

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