Honey, I respect your concern, but honestly, I think you’re jumping to conclusions.

I know that you heard the First Alert ONELINK Wireless Smoke Alarm go off and you were worried. That’s natural considering that the ONELINK features photoelectric technology to reduce unwanted alarms. Not to mention – with its 915MHz, 65,000 security codes and 3 channel frequency hopping that ensures reliable and secure communication between this alarm here in the kitchen and the one upstairs – there’s really nowhere in the house you can’t hear its loud 85-DB siren.

But honey, all this reactionary “we’ve gotta call the fire department” stuff, it’s just a little bit much. Look, I followed the Epicurious recipe for braised lamb shank to a T. I measured everything precisely; I set the oven to preheat at the exact temperature and for the exact amount of time that the user who uploaded the recipe called for. I even used the brands he suggested. So, if I did everything right, that means this whole flames-exploding-out-of-the-oven thing we’ve got going on here is probably just part of the cooking process.

No, I don’t remember any “let things get crazy with flames and stuff” step, honey. But you know how recipes are. It’ll be like, “step 1: braise and cook lamb shank; step 2: serve and enjoy.” Cooks are always oversimplifying things! So just because the user didn’t say something about this doesn’t mean it shouldn’t happen. And honestly, other than all the flames, I’m not really picking up on anything that screams “danger” to me. I mean, it smells great, right? Oh c’mon, honey! It does to! Just take a deep breath of that delicious smokey-

Cough! Cough! Cough!

Actually… cough! maybe don’t take a deep breath…

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