The people of Humans Against Dust Mite Genocide, or H.A.G.S. (the "D" and "M" are silent, and we added an "S") have a very important message for you about this vacuum.

"Pet hair, pollen, dust and dirt. A little dander never hurt! Pet hair, pollen, dust and dirt. A little dander never … Excuse me! Excuse me, sir!"

Who? Me?

"Yes. Do you have a minute to talk about the destruction of natural dust mite habitats through the process of vacuuming?"

You're kidding, right?

"No, sir. I am quite serious. I see you just purchased a Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum."

I did.

"And, were you aware that devices such as this with cleaning head suspension systems and counter rotating bristle and beater brushes are contributing to what will soon be the total eradication of dust mites?"

Yeah, my wife has allergies so …

"Oh! Well, in THAT case. BY ALL MEANS, don't let the decimation of an entire population of peaceful creatures stop that sturdy bristle brush from digging deep into your carpet fibers. God forbid she'd have to, you know, blow her nose every now and then."

I mean, her allergies are actually really bad.

"No, no. I'm sure they are. You know what else is really bad? Just sitting down to dinner with your adoring dust mite wife and your two precocious dust mite children, your loyal dust mite pooch at your feet, when all of a sudden a powerful vacuum with a rechargeable Nickel Metal Hydride battery comes along and WIPES OUT YOUR ENTIRE BLOCK. So … you still going to use that Roomba?"

Yes. Yes I am.

":::sigh::: I see my words have fallen on deaf ears. Guess that explains why you can't hear their TINY SCREAMS OF AGONY as they get sucked up into the improved fine filter, their little bodies BROKEN AND TRAPPED FOREVER in that larger debris bin."

Yeah I'm gonna go now.

"Of course. You've got to get home to your sniffly, sneezy wife. Cherish every moment with her, because YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE YOUR LAST!"

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