Baby, I'm gonna get out of this one-stoplight town and make a run for the coast on my motorbike carrying nothing but my guitar and your love. But first, a cup of tea.

Girl, I love you like a scorpion in the desert loves the first rays of the morning sun across the harsh sands of a fire-kissed dawn, but you can't expect me to go without my morning tea, can you? That's why I've got this lovely KitchenAid 2.25 Qt Tea Kettle. Because I'm an artist. An artist on the canvas that is your love.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'd fall to my knees and howl into the storm that took you from me, fight the wizard who chained you to the rock at the ends of the Earth, and punch the mouth of a golden-tinted river as the gods themselves urged me to stop for no other reason than to make you smile, but I'm not settling for some crappy ordinary tea kettle. That's why I like these colors, and the joy they bring. Almost as much joy as the day I first heard you whisper my name in your sleep.

Here's how it works. First I grab the wide grip of the gentle arch. Then I, uh, ease the seat back so I can feast my eyes on the richly colored porcelain enamel. Then I push the lever with one hand, leaving my other one free to take hold of a big slice of your angel food cake, baby. You know, then kind you baked from scratch? I can almost hear that loud whistle now, telling me my tea is ready and hot.

Oh, well, yes, I DO listen primarily to classic rock radio that focuses on the hits written between 1976 and 1985. Why do you ask, you silver-eyed angel of the leather-clad night? And would you like a fine amber goblet full of tea?

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