Espresso, Sir? I'd offer you a cup of self-loathing, but it seems as though you've already had your fill.

Danielle sat down to watch the latest webisode of Home Matters as she took a sip of her cappuccino. She crinkled her nose and made a disgusted face. But not because of the drink. No, that was absolutely delightful thanks to the steam nozzle milk frother on her KRUPS Espresso Machine, and the pre-portioned espresso pods that make it nearly impossible to screw it up.

It was the show. It was just … awful. Lisa was right. The plot lines were contrived, and the acting was … my God, the acting. You could tell that Lisa was trying desperately to breathe a little life into it, but it was almost painful to watch.

Phil knocked on the door and came in. "Oh sweet! Is that Home Matters? I love that show! Seriously, when you going to introduce me to Lisa, cuz … SO hot."

"Um, how about sometime between never and totally out of your league? Will that work for you?"

"Nice. So you mind if I make a cup?" he said, gesturing at the espresso machine.

"Help yourself."

Phil removed the drip tray and emptied it over the sink. He watched over his shoulder as he filled the water tank, chortling every now and then.

"Oh my God, I love this guy," he said while pointing at the screen.

"Seriously? The annoying neighbor?" Danielle asked. "I can't stand his character."

"No way! He's hilarious. The way he puts everyone on edge. He's the perfect tension-builder. You just know one of these days he's going to completely lose it and freak out on everyone."

"Oh please. He's SO whiny! Always hemming and hawing about how the other neighbors are making his life miserable. And all the passive-aggressive notes he's always leaving on their doors? I'm over it. I wish they'd just write him off the show already."

"That's totally his schtick! You're crazy. He's a comedic genius."

"No, YOU'RE crazy for taking it to heart. It's just an internet show, for crying out loud."

"Psssh. Whatever."

"Hey, that's perfect! Maybe you could audition for his part once he's gone. I'll give Lisa a call."

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