Today's heater is BRRRZZZT and can be used in RZZZZZZP for the BRRRRZZZZ ATTENTION CITIZENS OF THE PAST. WE  OF THE FUTURE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL OF THIS WRITEUP.

Do not be alarmed, citizens of the past. We are your children. We are Humanity's future. We speak to you now from the year Nine Nine Nine Nine Nine Nine Nine. As you can imagine, you are like apes to us. And we? We are like the gods themselves. Except for how we can't figure out how to cheaply heat our future-rooms. That's why we're talking to you.

You see, in our time, all the knowledge about how to make a 6 Element Heater have been lost. It's embarrassing, really. We can power our starships with man-made black holes but we can't make a tiny Furniture-Grade Wood Cabinet with a Cool Touch Exterior! No, go on, laugh. In the future, we appreciate humor in all its forms.

But what we need right now, 21st Century savages, is your help. Could you maybe buy a few of these Lifesmart Heaters (we'd do it ourselves, but we have long since eliminated the concept of money, you see) and throw them into a time capsule which you'll bury in your backyard? Then we'll go dig it up, copy the schematics, and finally master the heating technology that will allow us to enjoy the Washable Liftetime Filter and Caster Wheels.

Also, could you throw some Ecto Cooler in there too? What? They no longer have that for sale in your age? Zagsblat! You set the coordinates incorrectly!

We apologize, citizens. We will now BRRRRRZZZT return you to your RZZZZZZP without any BRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZ

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