“Ground Control to First Lieutenant Tom: Are you kidding me? You’ll never get promoted if you keep lounging around like that.”

“Listen, Lieutenant, the Intergalactic Space Force has invested a lot of time and money into you. You might think that hanging around in space gives you some kind of special privilege, but guess what? No matter where you go, I’m still your superior officer, and your helmet-wearing butt belongs to me!”

“And what even is that thing? A Luis Orbital Zero-Gravity Lounger? Is that standard issue for you tin-can jockeys these days? Back when I was in the ISF, we didn’t have chairs that were weather-proof and fade-resistant. We had tin foil and duct tape, and you know what? We still made it to the eye of Jupiter! Even when the computers tried to kill us! I once had to wrestle this blonde guy on a C-Beam outside the Tannhauser Gate, and you’re just sitting there with a beer and your knees parallel to your heart! Obviously I can’t fault your decision to use the best possible position for natural blood pressure, but not on my time, you zero-gravity maggot!”

“I want you off that Luis Orbital Zero-Gravity Lounger, Lieutenant Tom! I want that Luis Orbital Zero-Gravity Lounger folded back to an 8 inch wide, 25 pound, easily stored rectangle and I want it Off! My! DECK! Is that clear, Lieutenant! Is that clear?”

“Good. Well, now that this is all cleared up, I’m here to bring you this message from your wife. Apparently she loves you very much and… well, of course you know, you worthless pile of space powder! That’s not the point! The point is she’s sharing her emotions to show a connection with you! Great Moons Of Titan, man, I think you’ve been up here too long! Put that Luis Orbital Zero-Gravity Lounger away and report to Docking Bay Three where the Rocket Men hang out, I’m sending you planetside. No, not for ‘a long, long time,’ for a weekend pass.”

“Io’s Desert, you kids are gonna be the death of me. Forget what I said earlier, leave that Luis Orbital Zero-Gravity Lounger set up. After talking to you, I need to relax a bit myself.”

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