When we started this relationship, you told me you loved me for who I am. I guess now I know that’s not true.

No, I will not try to understand. Love is not about understanding, Janet. It’s about honesty. It’s about accepting someone for who they are. It’s about… Well okay, there might be some understanding in there, but that changes nothing. NOTHING.

Why this Oneida 62-Piece Flatware Set? Why now, after all this time we’ve been together, is this so important to you? You knew the man you were marrying ate with his hands, but you married him anyway. Why? Did you think that maybe once you’d worn me down by pushing that premium Oneida 18/10 stainless steel flatware set featuring service for twelve in my face night after night that I might just stop being who I am, who I’ve always been? You had years, Janet, YEARS to voice your concerns, YEARS to walk away from me with your classically-patterned, dishwasher safe eating utensils tucked neatly under your arm.

And now look at us, at each other’s throats all because you want me scoop up my taco leavings with a spoon instead of a nacho chip. What happens the next time I make a pizza pocket or some chicken fingers? Are you going to threaten to leave me whenever I feel like eating a burrito or a burger without a knife and fork?

I’m still the guy who made you laugh by eating fistfuls of spaghetti on our first date, Janet. I’m still the man who promised to love you forever, no matter how messy things get. That person never changed. You did.

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