Well, I guess I can’t hold too much against Jed. Sure he’s going to kill me, but I shouldn’t be too surprised about that.

I mean, he did say, “Humphry, you don’t pay me that money back, I’ll kill ya, understand?” to which I replied, “Sure thing, Jed.” And, then, if you hadn’t already guessed, I didn’t pay him back. So it’s kinda my fault really.

And Jed’s been super nice about it, too. How? Well, he’s letting me build my own coffin for one thing! And he even gave me a Ryobi TEK4 Power Screwdriver to build it too! It’s a real fine screwdriver. I especially like that it’s got this LED light so I can illuminate dark surfaces, which really are all surfaces down here in Jed’s basement. And wow, I love how lightweight it is considering my wrists are already weighed down plenty with these rusty shackles Jed’s got me in.

But most of all, I love the 24 position clutch which allows for adjustable torque. This means you can do all sortsa stuff with this thing, which is great for me on account of my making a really complicated coffin in the hopes that it will take longer and thus extend my life’s duration. That’s gotta work, right? Because who would kill a man they didn’t have a coffin for?

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