We, the bigwigs of the plastic bag industry, think there are a few things you should know about Sacs of Life.

Sacs of Life™ Insulator Reusable Shopping Bags might seem like a smarter choice than normal plastic bags: PVC-free materials, insulation that keeps things warm or cool, and the capacity to hold anywhere from 2 to 5 plastic bags worth of groceries and other products. But to be an informed consumer, we think there are a few things you should know about these supposedly “good” bags:

• Sacs of Life contain little to no nutritional value and could damage your digestive system if consumed in mass quantities.
• Sacs of Life make for poor fish tanks, but, of course, that’s nowhere to be found on the Sacs of Life website. I guess they don’t mind killing innocent fish!
• Did you know that if you buy a bunch of soda and then pour it into a Sac of Life, the inside of the bag will get sticky? It’s true!
• Sacs of Life, as a company, has never officially come out and stated that they don’t want to destroy the moon. But hey, that’s no big deal, right? Maybe they’re just too busy. Making plans. To destroy the Moon!
• Sacs of Life like to claim that they’re a responsible company. But did you know they support the Environment? That’s right: the same Environment that has been linked to notorious terrorist groups such as Thunder Storms and Volcanoes! So, before you buy, ask yourself, do you want your money to fund enemies of humanity?

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