Two Stanley 16oz. Stainless Steel Travel Mugs. From now on, Daddy’s double-fisting the coffee.

Oh, don’t act all holier than thou, coffee newbie. You think you’re better than me? Look at the face of your future, kid. Right now you’re just sipping that mocha latte with sprinkles, but in a few months? You just won’t be getting that rush. And then you’ll start saying things like “Can I get an extra shot?” and “Why don’t you give me the grande?” and then, one morning, that little corner chain store won’t be enough.

Oh, laugh it up, but I’ve seen it. Next year at this time you’ll be huddled up at the door of your local indie coffee place, the place where guys in turtlenecks scribble on legal pads and the barista plays Thievery Corporation and asks what sort of imported bean you prefer. That’s how it goes, kid, Queen Coffee drags you down in her embrace. And if you don’t have a two pack of Stanley 16oz. Stainless Steel Leak-Proof Travel Mugs… well, guess you’ll be ordering one at a time. Like a SUCKER.

Face it, kid. You’re on the edge of a steep cliff and you’re dying to jump. I ain’t gonna stop you. Mostly because I’m too busy drinking coffee from my Stanley 16oz. Stainless Steel Leak-Proof Travel Mugs. It’s your decision, kid, and maybe you’ll do the right thing and walk away while you still can. But I know that look in your eyes. I know that hunger. Go ahead, kid. Pick up your magic chalices. Order this two-pack of Stanley 16oz. Stainless Steel Leak-Proof Travel Mugs and let me show you where REAL caffeination lies.

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